Daily Reminder - Week 7 - Find and share humor

Laughter is the best. It is contagious, isn't it?  You hear a child laughing and you can't help but also find yourself giggling. This week, I want to challenge us all to use laughter and humor to connect with our kids. That might be telling a silly joke every morning (if you need help with jokes, there are lots of them - just google it! I found this website very quickly - 108 jokes for kids)For some of you, that might mean dressing up or doing something silly/crazy with your kids. Maybe you wake them up with a song you just wrote for them. :)No matter how you do it, just try to get your kids (and yourself!) laughing more this week. After the holidays this past week, I think we could all use a little more giggles anyway!  (Maybe it will help us all survive the holiday break away from school!photo cred (pexels.com -Archie Binamira )

Daily Reminder - Week 6 - Make their favorite meal

I have talked about how I believe Gary Chapman missed the 6th Love Language of cooking.  I use the topic of love languages a lot in therapy and I think most people find it to be helpful. For me, my love language is hospitality and cooking for others, my family included.  A couple of years ago, I attempted a creative birthday gift for my husband that I called "The birthday of favorites." I bought him several of his favorite food items (Ruffles chips, donuts, candy, etc.), a favorite movie, and other small things he loves in an attempt to show him how much I was thinking of him on his birthday.This week, I challenge us to think about how we can make our kids feel special by cooking (or buying - I am not above that!) their favorite meal. Each of my kids has a favorite meal to eat and when we have that on the table, their joy is so much fun to see! If you don't know what they love, this could be a good time to spend some time learning that!  Feel free to expand this to your partner or family members as well. I think all people love to feel our love of them through sharing a meal together.photo cred (pexels.com - Ronmar Lacamiento)

Daily Reminder - Week 5 - Gratitude

My kids don't know it yet, but I am working on a gratitude scrapbook for them for Christmas. A couple of months ago, I found myself in a place of feeling pretty low. I felt like I wasn't doing enough to connect with my kids. I worried I wasn't spending enough time connecting with friends or family. I would become too quickly irritated by small misbehaviors from my kids that otherwise would have been no big deal.  In short, I was focusing on all the ways I felt "not enough" and none of the ways I should be grateful for a million other things.

“Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” – Anonymous

I found this quote as I was browsing the internet and thought it was so true. If I could focus on the million little things that go well each day, I could feel less consumed by "not enough" and more consumed with "I am so grateful."This week, I want to challenge you to make a list of ALL the things you are grateful for with your kids (and partner!). Here are a few from my list:

• I love that you do your morning routine without arguing.
• I love that you work hard at school.
• I love that you make your own oatmeal.
• I love that you help with your brothers.
• I love that you don't argue about a shower.  :)
• I love that you love me so well.
• I love that you say "I'm sorry." when you have done something wrong.
• I love that you are kind to your friends.
• I love that you don't obsess about video games.
• I love that you have a great jump shot.
• I love that you wash your hands when you come inside without having to be told.

As I thought about things to include on my list, I found myself thinking about some of the things other people complain that their kids do - that mine don't. But that I didn't really think about until now. I simply took those things for granted. My charge for us is to not be stuck in taking things for granted. It really stinks when people take things we do for granted and I don't want to fall into that with my kids or spouse.So this week, begin working on a scrapbook (or list if you aren't scrapbooky) that you can gift your children about the small ways you are grateful for their behavior. We tell them a lot about all the things we don't like that they do, so now it is time to flip that script for them! Have fun reflecting on all the great things about your kid!photo cred (pexels.com - Carl Attard)

Weekly Reminder - Week 4 - Leave surprise love notes

I  have written about love notes to our kids before. In an era when our kids are continually flooded with information from websites, texts, and tweets, I want to continue to be a competing presence for them. From time to time, I write a note in my kids' lunchboxes for them to open when they get to lunch. (I used to do this daily and have gotten out of the habit of doing it.) I love the idea of them remembering my words to them several hours after they have left me in the morning. I hope this brings them a sweet reminder of my voice in their minds about how much they mean to me.  Recently, I noticed my daughter was packing her lunch and she had several of the notes saved in the top part of her lunchbox. Seeing this is what inspired me to include this here.

Even though our kids might not acknowledge it, we matter to them. Our words and sweet love notes matter to them.

This week, find a way to leave little notes for your child for them to find. You can leave a note for them on their pillow. Or how about in their lunchbox? Or maybe in their backpack? Yes...it might be three or four days until they find it...but the joy they will experience when they do!  These notes don't need to be long. Just a quick reminder of how much you love them or how thankful you are for their creativity or hard work. Anything that shows them you are thinking of them in a positive way.

“Gratitude is a powerful catalyst for happiness. It’s the spark that lights a fire of joy in your soul.” – Amy Collette

photo cred (pexels.com - Frans Van Heerden)

Weekly Reminder - Week 3 - Celebrate!

So this one might seem crazy, but I think our kids love when we are crazy.  You know how there are like crazy holidays on any given day? Like... did you know December 30 is National Bacon Day??!!  And Praise Jesus.... December 6 is "Put your own shoes on Day!!"  Anyone else celebrating that day?!?This week, I want for us to surprise our kids with a giant celebration (yes...I said GIANT! - like go-all-out sorta party...) for one of the strange national holidays.  For instance, December is Bingo month. Wanna have your most elaborate game of bingo??  December 5 is Bathtub party day. Now who doesn't love a good bathtub party??Here are a few websites with various strange holidays:

• http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/december.htm
• https://www.timeanddate.com/holidays/fun/
• https://www.brownielocks.com/december.html

The whole point of this is to show our kids that we can still be fun, joyful, and silly. They need to see this side of us.I can't wait to see how this helps them engage with you!

Weekly Reminder - Week 2 - Defining moments

I recently did a talk with a large group of middle schoolers about defining moments. The focus of this was multi-fold. First, to get them to see we have small decisions everyday that can make a huge impact to who we are and how people view us. Second, to expand their worldview to see that people who are different from them may share some of the same defining moments. And third, to continue to spread the word about making words matter for good!This idea of "defining moments" is one that I use in therapy with my child and adolescent clients. I think we can all relate to the idea of a moment in time that gives the opportunity to show the world who we are. A moment where a decision can shape us to a better son, daughter, husband, wife, friend, etc. In my opinion, it is really just a series of defining moments in time that make up who we are and how everyone else views us. Let me give you some examples:Big defining moments:

• Graduating from high school or college
• Getting a new job
• Moving to a new house
• Losing a friend or a pet
• Parents divorcing
• Watching a loved one become very ill

These BIG defining moments shape who we are over the course of time.

If we lost a pet when we were a child, we might find that we are more sensitive to animals. If we got a new job that we are especially proud of, we might find ourselves experiencing more pride in other areas of our life as well. Consider YOUR big defining moments. What would they be?  This week, find time to share them with your child.THEN, talk with them about how there are also smaller defining moments everyday.  One of my values as a parent is to raise children who are kind. Above all else, be kind. My kids are probably so sick of hearing me talk about being kind to friends, siblings, and adults!!! So, I use this value to thread my parenting decisions. When they are arguing with one another about who sits in the front....I remind them of what it would look like to be kind in this situation. When they push one another for legos. I tell them they weren't being kind.  While this might sound "therapist-y" - it continually speaks to them about what my value is.And then it shows them how each small decision they make gives them an opportunity to show that characteristic (or not).

Smaller, everyday defining moments show the world who we have become (and are still becoming).

Take a moment this week to share your defining moments, teach about defining moments, and enter a conversation about defining moments for them. Then, as the weeks and years go by, continue to evaluate those as they grow! Can't wait to hear how it goes!!photo cred (pexels.com - Daniel Kux)

Weekly reminder - Week 1 - Schedule a date!

It's a Monday.  And it has felt like a Monday for me today. Some good things, some things that, well.... just feel like a Monday.A few weeks ago, I was embarking on an experiment to engage in a Daily Reminder to help make myself a better mother, friend, wife, human.  I have loved seeing and hearing all of the stories of how people have responded so well to this idea. But I also know that many of you had the admission that "I am a little behind" in keeping up with them daily. I absolutely get that! Trust me...there were days that I was like..."Oh man...I gotta go do that!"So I have decided to try a WEEKLY goal.  I think this might still get us focused on the intentionality that I was aiming for, without falling behind.I was having dinner with some friends this weekend and we began talking about whether or not we find intentional, one-on-one time with each of our kids. Each of the mothers at the table admitted we do our best, but not at the frequency that we would prefer.And so, our first weekly reminder is to schedule a date with each of our kids (and our spouses!).I think it would be ideal to look at the next month and put a date on the calendar for each of them. Because here's the thing, if we treat it like any other appointment we have, we won't miss it. It is only when we forget to put it on the calendar that it slips through the cracks.Remember, our kids and spouses don't need extravagance from us. They don't need hours at a time. They just need intentional time with us. That might be ice cream after school. It might mean shooting hoops in the yard. It might mean donuts before school. Or an extra book before bedtime. The only rule here is that it CAN'T be something that you would typically do normally. Let's push ourselves to be better than that.I would also like to push us for it NOT to be driving in the car to and/or from something.  Believe it or not, kids don't love driving in the car AND they won't see that as special time with you. Trust me...I have had many talks with kids and parents about this minor detail. Parents say, "I spend one-on-one time with you all the time. We drive to practice together. I take you to dance. I sit and watch while you dance." And the child responds with, "Yeah...but you HAVE to do that."  :)Let's do this! Schedule a date today!

The Daily Reminder - Day 29: Partner + Respect

I know this wasn't included in my original plan, but I think we should also include a solid couple of days devoted to the health of our marriage/relationship/partnership. If you are currently single, don't worry, these things could certainly apply to any relationship if you wish.For the past 4 weeks, I have tried to create a daily reminder that will make you a better mother, woman, sister, friend, father, man, brother, etc. Everything I have included is meant to bring us better health, but truly, at the heart of what I hope to do is to create a generation of great models for our kids. Because what I have learned in all of my work with kids is that they don't want us to TELL them how to do things. They want to SEE how to do things.

They want to see you having fun, experiencing joy, showing forgiveness, finding rest, eating healthily, expressing gratitude.

Although they may not admit it now, they admire you. They want to be like you. Someday they will BE you. The man or woman, mother or father, who is trying to figure it all out.My hope with this whole month is that perhaps you will go back to any of these days and re-do them. Maybe you will spend an entire week with just the one topic. And if you have an idea for something I should include - please let me know! I love to hear from you!For the final two days of our 30 day experiment, I want to spend time honoring our current relationships.One thing I say a lot to the parents in my therapy room is that, "You are the model for relationships for your kids."  In other words, every romantic relationship they will have in the future, every. single. one., they will compare to yours. They will define your relationship as the "norm" - even if it isn't always normal.

• If you and your partner laugh a lot, they will think that is normal in relationships.
• If you and your partner go out on dates a lot, they will think that is normal.
• If you and your partner argue a lot, they will think that is normal.
• If you and your partner avoid one another, they will think that is normal.

Even though logically, kids will know arguing and avoiding does fit with their knowledge of "love," since their parents do it, it will become the normal narrative in their experience.I could go on and on about common things that partners do, but you get the idea. Whatever you and your partner do, they will also find themselves doing in future relationships (albeit subconsciously).

So today, we will focus on respect. 

When you disagree with your partner, rather than arguing to prove your point, show respect for their opinion by changing yours (especially for the small things!).Use the word respect when you are in conversation. "I respect what you did at work by standing up for that..." It might seem silly, but I have made a living in making sure our words matter, and RESPECT... that word matters a lot and should be spoken aloud more often.Recognize when you have made subtle disrespectful comments or gestures. When you dismiss a person's opinion, it is disrespectful. When you don't pause to consider the other person's perspective, it is disrespectful. When you speak over someone, it is disrespectful.Today, work to recognize those things and try something new!Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

The Daily Reminder - Day 28: Emotional Health + Self-love

Do you guys remember Saturday Night Live back in the day? The episodes with Al Franken as Stuart Smalley - when he looks at himself in the mirror and says, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." His "Daily Affirmation." If you need a refresher, I just watched a short clip of his episode with Michael Jordan and was cracking up.So I LOVE a good daily affirmation. My roommate after I graduated with my M.A. degree (Shout out to Becca Hansen!), gifted me this cute little jar that I keep on my desk that includes little strips of paper with various daily affirmations on it. It includes short inspirational sayings, bible verses, and phrases meant to bring happiness and joy on a daily basis.I believe we could all use a little more self-love. Particularly as women and mothers. As women, we are constantly comparing our bodies to those of the women around us. We are flooded with images of the perfect shape, the most beautiful face, the longest eyelashes. All of which leave us feeling like we are imperfect, or worse, not enough.As mothers. Oh sheesh. Don't get me started on the things we do to ourselves as mothers. So if we get beyond the body image thing, and simply succumb to the "mom body" we have acquired, then we are overwhelmed by the need to have our homes, our marriage, AND our kids be put together on a daily basis. And frankly, not just "put together", we have this irrational expectation that those things will be damn near perfect.

Our homes will be organized, de-cluttered, un-chaotic. The laundry folded, the kitchen sink empty. If they aren't, upon hitting the pillow that night, we feel like we failed (either a little bit, or a lot) that day.

Our marriages need to be that picturesque scene from Aladdin and the flying magic carpet. Eyes ogling one another. So deeply in love. Weekly date nights. Smiles everywhere. Certainly not the up and down, back and forth, continually learning how to grow together sort-of-thing that happens behind closed doors.  Trust me, I ain't no picnic to live with when I get stressed and I talk to enough women to know how much work a great marriage really is.

And the pressure to have great kids. Y'all. That pressure is real! It's all around us. And I don't think it makes us better parents. In fact, I recently led a virtual book club where we read The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey and spent time devoted to allowing our fears of over-parenting go.

Listen, I am not saying there is ANYTHING wrong if your house looks beautiful, your marriage on top of the world, your kids earning straight As in the honor society. I LOVE that. Frankly, I would be super proud, too. And a few times a month, my house looks pretty good. A huge portion of the time, my marriage is amazing. And my kids love school and I think that's awesome.But my point is, most of us fall somewhere in between in all three of those areas ALL. THE. TIME. And yet...I believe we all still feel a little bit of yuck when that comparison comes along and we perceive ourselves on the short end of any of those sticks.

And today, I challenge us to love every part of ourselves. Every inch, every thought, every tear, every word. Every roll, every hair, every wrinkle. Just one day. We can go back to striving for perfection and Pinterest-worthy organization tomorrow.

But today, we will model for our kids what it really looks like to love.Recap from Day 27I realized today that I have been thinking about joy in a rather narrow way. When I think of joy, I picture a child-like joy. Laughter, movement, silliness. But when I actually looked up the definition of joy, here is what I found: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness (dictionary.com).  For me, that put the idea of joy into a different perspective.Today was the third day of our national psychology convention. And truth be told, by the third day, many of us are running out of steam - doing more sightseeing than learning by this point! But I had a few things on my list today that I needed to get done and two more events I wanted to go to. And boy am I glad I did.In recent months, I have started hosting discussions about how to talk about race with kids.  In preparation for that, I began studying the work of Tim Wise, a writer and educator on race relations. And today, I got to sit in the audience and hear him talk, followed by a more intimate Q & A session following. Earlier at the conference, I sat in a talk by Bryan Stevenson, another provocative speaker against racial inequality in our country - with special emphasis on the over imprisonment of poor, black men. Together, these two talks, and a few other great conversations with other psychologists, brought me so much joy today.Around 3pm, I stopped at a coffee shop to do a few last-minute things on my computer and as I got up, I said to myself..."Man. It has been a good day today." And a rush of joy came over me. That feeling of great pleasure and happiness.It was so good. In fact, it was so good, maybe I will try to have it again tomorrow.  :)Photo cred -  Dakota Corbin on Unsplash

The Daily Reminder - Day 27: Emotional Health + Joy

Three little letters add up to one big-time impact word - J.O.Y.Y'all, can I tell you how hard joy can be for some people? Including myself?  I have been in some very vulnerable conversations with people in my therapy room. And I often am challenged with asking difficult questions that many people don't want to answer.  But honestly, no one in my training told me how hard the question about joy is for people to face.

"What brings you JOY?"

This question has stopped so many people in their tracks. Brought them to tears. Caused them anxiety, depression, anger.Even in my own life, I have had to take a good, hard look at my ability to show joy. To experience joy.  And let me tell you, it is sometimes harder than it sounds.Because, you see, joy is a vulnerable emotion to express. Sounds strange, right??  But think about it. Experiencing joy, expressing joy, tells the world that you are allowing yourself to feel something that might be yanked away from you. Many people don't allow themselves to experience joy because the "know" it will never last. They think (or even say out loud), "Why would I feel joy, when I know the anger is just going to follow it? And then I feel even worse than I did in the first place..." Or... "It will hurt more when I have to face reality."It's almost like facing the possibility of rejection. I won't apply for that job because I don't like rejection. I won't ask that person to lunch, because I don't want them to say, "no."Let me throw this out there. That way of thinking is the OPPOSITE of what we all really want!! We want happiness. We want success. We want to be healthy. We want a better job, a better house, a better car.  Well, let me state the obvious: Hiding in fear of the other shoe dropping is not the way to achieve any of those things.Please, please, please. If you have had those thoughts about joy, I invite you to take the risk. Allow yourself the joy of something today. Even if tomorrow is dark, let today be filled with light. And I pray that no one, NO ONE, will regret joy. Ever. Again.And in the spirit of my work with kids - consider what you might feel or think if a child stopped experiencing joy.  I know what most people would say, "I'm worried about Andrew. He seems so sad lately. Maybe he should see someone."  When kids stop being joyful, we think there is something wrong. When your friend, the stay-at-home-mom, doesn't show her joy, we don't say anything. But folks, it shows the same level of concern. It just shows a different kind of concern.

Today. Find joy.

Recap from Day 26I knew the forgiveness day was coming. And I put intentionally put it after the gratitude day. I know we need both. And we should be grateful for both the beauty of gratitude and the healing nature of forgiveness. BUT. I also know how much we avoid the forgiveness conversation. Myself included. And without going into details about my own forgiveness journey yesterday, it has been an issue that has been on the back burner for me for the last year or so. It wasn't something or someone that I thought about a lot, so I just kept putting it off. I made excuses. I rationalized that it wasn't a big deal. I told myself I was doing great...why bring it up!?!But do you know what happens to a tiny wound that never heals? It keeps growing. And then it starts getting in the way of your everyday interactions. It doesn't go away. It is always that little voice in the back of your mind that tells you that you should still be hurt. You should still be angry. You are still entitled to be upset. And yesterday, I confronted that and began writing about forgiveness. I began unpacking it so I can let go. I can't say that I fully achieved forgiveness yesterday, because it is a process of healing. But I am farther along than I was the day before.And for that, I am proud. Even small steps are something to be proud of! photo cred pexels.com (Bekka Mongeau)

The Daily Reminder - Day 26: Emotional Health + Forgiveness

Forgiveness. Such an easy word to say, but such a hard word to DO. I talk about forgiveness in therapy a lot. When we are hurt or sad or broken, there is almost always forgiveness that is needed to resolve those things.But the tricky thing about forgiveness is the misconception that forgiveness is something you do for someone else. To someone else. You say, "I forgive you." However, the real truth about forgiveness is that it isn't something I do FOR the other person, it is an act of freeing myself from the hurt, pain, frustration caused by the event between me and someone else.Let me clarify that again. Forgiveness is not something you do for anyone else. It is all about freeing your own emotional pain.Furthermore, it most certainly does not mean that what happened was okay, or justified, or correct. It does not mean that we have to allow that person to keep hurting us. It does not mean the other person "wins." Although these are all myths that folks believe that only keep them from feeling the healing that forgiveness brings.So today, I want for us to start that journey of forgiveness with someone we feel hurt by. Just start the exploration of what it might feel like if you didn't carry that hurt and anger anymore.  And once we are able to see the beauty beyond the hurt, we will have the courage to step into forgiveness.Recap from Day 25I have so many people to be grateful for. I could go on and on about how many people I could have written a letter to yesterday.  And as I was reflecting, I found myself feeling more and more grateful. What a great snowball effect?!? I hope that we will continue to share our gratitude like this on a more consistent basis. Maybe it is every week? Maybe every month? Maybe everyday? All I know is that having more gratitude, and sharing more gratitude, in life can't be a bad thing.

The Daily Reminder - Day 25: Emotional Health + Gratitude

Okay y'all. I have to admit, I have been looking forward to this day since day 1.  When I put all 30 days of this experiment together, today was my favorite day. Every year, I attend the psychologists' national convention to learn new things and keep myself up-to-date on the best clinical practices. In fact, as I write this, I am sitting in a hotel in California (at 4 a.m. because I woke up early to say happy first-day-of-school to my kids through Facetime!) waiting for the first day of the conference. Anyway, each year, I attend various talks about the power of positive thinking, intentional parenting and teaching practices, cultural inclusivity, and gratitude.A couple of years ago, I attended a talk where the researcher presented data on an intervention in his therapy office where he had two groups of clients - one group who he did typical therapy with and one group that did typical therapy, but added writing one letter of gratitude a week. His data showed that those clients who wrote the letters improved significantly faster than those who did not. As I have reflected on this intervention over the years, I have also seen the power of writing about gratitude in my own life and the lives of the clients I see as well.

So today, I want for each of us to write a letter (like a hand-written letter or card) of gratitude to someone in our lives. It can be someone from recent interactions, long-time friend, whoever.

And I can't wait to hear how this day goes for all of you!Recap from Day 24I am excited about how these last three weeks have been challenging me to slow down. Yesterday was a long day of traveling, but I did find myself stopping from time to time to catch a breath and focus on those moments of stillness. I really like that. It felt more natural. Like I was starting to get into the habit of slowing down that way. It actually just hit me that Steven Covey says it takes 21 days to create a new habit. Well, for me, I guess it takes 24. But at least it is starting to get there!!photo cred pexels.com (rawpixel.com) 

The Daily Reminder - Day 24: Emotional Health + Relaxation

At this point, it is probably not difficult to see a theme in my wellness challenge for us (stillness, relaxation, etc.). Too often, I hear about the busyness of life in my clients and friends, and know that it is also such an important reminder in my own life.So today our focus will be on RELAXATION. I think this is slightly different from stillness in that you have to find the stillness to achieve relaxation. In other words, relaxation is the byproduct of being still. Hopefully we have practiced stillness a few times in the last month already, so relaxing should be an easy one!You can do a progressive muscle relaxation (I highly recommend) or ask a friend/partner for a massage (or pay someone!). Or maybe a long bath? favorite movie? Whatever it takes... RELAX for Day 24!!Recap from Day 23I remember feeling at least three distinct moments when I took a few extra deep breaths or sat down just a little bit longer than I typically do. I honestly also remember thinking, this isn't that hard to do (just take a few extra minutes to be intentional about stillness), but I know I don't do this on a regular basis. Why don't I?  And as I was reflecting, I was reminding myself that when this 30-day experiment is over, I will make a commitment to doing these small things that I have now realized really shouldn't be that hard!

The Daily Reminder - Day 23: Emotional Health + Stillness

I have written before about the beauty of stillness. In fact, it is something I talk about a lot in both my therapy room and my parent/teacher workshops. If we don't leave space for stillness, there is no time for reflection and growth. There is no time for peace and rest. If you find yourself saying, "I'm tired" a lot, it may mean you aren't finding enough stillness.I don't think I am alone in believing that we are encountering less and less stillness in our world filled with immediate-gratification technology devices. We have lost the ability to be bored.  We have minimized the importance of face-to-face communication.Let's fight against that to find the stillness that we were really meant to have everyday. Imagine our ancestors without cell phones and televisions and tablets. Imagine the stillness they got to experience!?! I love technology as much as the next person, but I also know how much we truly miss out if we don't seek those moments of peace. Everyday.Find your moments of stillness and breathe them in today!Recap from Day 22We have a major home improvement project happening at our house and we are nearly at the end of it. Yesterday, I was reflecting and sharing with my husband how I sometimes have these moments of excitement and anticipation and happiness that make me feel like I am going to explode. I know that sounds strange, but there is no other way for me to explain it. And while it sounds strange, I love how it makes me feel movement in a positive direction.Positive or negative, expressing those feelings to someone else is both therapeutic and a skill to be taught - particularly with children. We don't all naturally come out of the womb knowing how to communicate about feelings. That's okay. It is a skill to be practiced and developed. And the more we model that for our kids, the better they will be when they are older!photo cred pexels.com (Pixabay) - I chose this picture because 1. I love coffee, but 2. I also think a morning cup of coffee reminds me to find the stillness before I get going with my day. What do others do to find stillness??

The Daily Reminder - Day 22: Emotional Health + Feelings

Today starts our final week of this Daily Reminder experiment!  And what better area to focus on but our mental and emotional health?!?As a psychologist, I am privileged to get to know a lot of people. I see and hear the things that "really happen" in people's lives. Not the Facebook or Pinterest version of what we 'see' everyday. Have you ever felt like you weren't _____ enough for something or someone after seeing other people on social media? Despite all of us knowing the social media version of ourselves is the filtered version, it still impacts us emotionally. I know it does because I feel it and talk to so many other people who feel it too.One of the many reasons I love this part of my job is because I get the insider information about how people really live, rather than the facade version.  So I can tell you that everyone has struggle. Everyone has fear. Everyone has insecurity. Everyone. Even the strongest, most put-together person you believe is out there!

In other words, we are all in this together. We are more alike than we are different when it comes to this week's discussion - emotional and mental health.

For today, getting beyond that facade only takes one thing - taking a moment to sit with someone you care about and sharing how you genuinely feel about something.It doesn't have to be sharing a deep, dark secret. It doesn't have to be sharing your biggest hurt. Let's get to those at some point down the road!

It only takes a leap of faith to trust the other person with your vulnerable self.

It can be sharing your excitement for your kids' first day of school. It can be hopeful for an upcoming meet with your supervisor. It can be sharing how happy you are for your friends who just got married.  The feeling itself doesn't have to be big. It just needs to push you a little bit outside of your comfort zone to share a bit more about WHY you feel the way you do that will help the other person see beyond the facade.Let's start today with sharing a feeling that you are (or have been) experiencing with a loved one you trust. Try to have the conversation be longer than just "I feel excited." and then done! :) Spend 5-10 minutes talking and exploring those feelings!Recap from the spiritual weekIf I am honest, I felt a little ambivalent toward this week's goals. I am not sure why, because I believe deeply in the importance of a deep spiritual connection. I could blame it on being busy or pre-occupied with family things, but as I began to reflect, I wondered about two things. 1. It is hard for many of us to focus on ourselves.  and 2. It is hard to stay focused on goals for extended time periods.

1. When I first committed to doing this Daily Reminder, I sat down and wrote out the plan for every day for the entire 30 days. I planned the kid week first, then physical, spiritual and mental health. If I think back to the excitement from me (and most everyone else), it seemed the kid week was great. Lots of folks were excited, I was excited, and it seemed to really be working.

And then we shifted to our own health. We focused on physical health and it seemed harder. Less exciting. And I am not sure if my hypothesis is true, but I wonder if, as mothers, we tend to focus our energy on our kids and then run out of energy to be focused on our own health. What do you think??

2. Remember what got me to starting this whole experiment in the first place?!? I can't ever seem to string several days together that focus on these things? So it may have nothing to do with kids and our self-care and more to do with the challenge of longevity. So even if I would have focused on physical health first, the excitement may have dwindled by week 2 or 3 regardless...

Either way, I am fascinated with this process and am continually seeking ways to make myself, my kids, and the people around me better. I will keep chasing after ways to help all of us be better parents and teachers because I believe we are created to be ever-growing to become better and better versions of ourselves.And I believe that comes through making words matter with the next generation and the people we care about.photo cred pexels.com (Pixabay) - P.S. Don't you just imagine these two sharing their feelings and dreams with one another??

The Daily Reminder - Day 21: Spiritual Health + Find Positive

I have written several posts on the ability to find positive in each day. I truly believe it is a SKILL to find the right perspective to keep your head above water sometimes.We all become stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. We all have bad days. And I am not undermining folks who really are struggling with a history of trauma, loss of a loved one, substance use, medical problems, etc.But in all of my years as a therapist, hearing some of the deepest secrets, I am constantly in awe of the human ability for hope. Even people with the darkest story, come to therapy and believe in the possibility of something better. They find the slivers of hope beyond the darkness to focus on that keep them moving toward that something better.I truly am honored to step alongside these folks in their journey and what we always find to be the most helpful is a solution-focused model of thinking.  In other words, rather than focusing on (and complaining about) the problems - we find solutions within those problems.

• You are often stressed? A solution-focused person reflects on times when they are NOT stressed -- and tries to replicate those moments.
• Having arguments with your spouse?  When were the times when you were NOT arguing? And how can you re-create those times again today?

There are not always simple answers. But sometimes, it takes practice to sharpen our skill of finding a positive perspective.Let's try to find the positive today. Get a dry erase marker and write some of the positive things on your bathroom mirror for when you wake up tomorrow! Or write in a journal to remind yourself of three great things today. 

The Daily Reminder - Day 20: Spiritual Health + Read (take 2)

If you are like me, you always have a good book that you are just waiting to find time to read. Or 3 that you are waiting to finish!Well. Today, let's make some headway there!!  Our focus today will be to find time to read for leisure. Actually carve out a chunk of your day to finish that book or magazine. I think there could be great spiritual focus in getting through some pages of a good book.Not too complicated today! :) Recap from Day 19You guys. I really need more yoga in my life. Period.Anyone want to join me in making this a more regular practice??  Sheesh, my body feels good after just one short yoga practice.

The Daily Reminder - Day 19: Spiritual Health + Yoga

I have a love/hate relationship with yoga. I LOVE how it makes my body feel when I do it consistently. I HATE that I have to work so hard to love it!I don't think have to explain the physical benefits of yoga. I believe most of us know how great yoga is for us. We know it is good for flexibility, balance, and strength. But did you also know how great yoga is for your mental health??  Yoga can be an amazing stress reducer because it forces you into active stillness. According to the American Osteopathic Association, a regular yoga practice "creates mental clarity and calmness; increases body awareness; relieves chronic stress patterns; relaxes the mind; centers attention; and sharpens concentration,”Sounds pretty awesome, right?!?  Let's make that awesomeness a priority today!Today, I will be committed to practicing yoga. Who's with me?Recap from Day 18I spent some time reading yesterday where I was reminded of some great spiritual truths. I love the feeling of connecting spiritual truths with the life that we live here on earth.  One thing that I was reminded of was about seeing miracles everyday and then sharing those as part of my testimony. The thing about this that struck me was how sometimes, I think people are afraid of the religiousness of words like "miracle" and "testimony".  And here's how I break that down: Our job is to pay attention to the good and great things that are happening in our lives and share those good things with others.I talk with clients a lot about the power of perspective and how every day there are great things that happen and everyday there are crappy things that happen. True, not everyday is sunshine and rainbows. But. If you search for the good in everyday, you will find it. (In the same way, if you search for grumpiness everyday, you will find that too.)I hope that we will continue to put our energy and focus into those things that remind us of the good things happening and then share those things with others (particularly on social media -- where we are riddled with bad news all the time). Let's shift that one post at a time! photo cred pexels.com (Burst) 

The Daily Reminder - Day 18: Spiritual Health + Read

I have already mentioned that I listen to a lot of audio books. I love being able to cook or drive or fold laundry while listening to a great book. But, I also love what reading a physical book does for me. First, when I have a book I want to read - it forces me to sit down, slow down, and be still while engaging my mind. Second, it gets me away from technology and screens. Of course, I love my phone and computer, and all that those things do to make life easier. However, as we become more reliant on machines to do the work for us, we are forgetting how to engage in stillness, boredom, and mental computation.To today, I challenge each of us to spend 15-30 minutes reading whatever holy book you believe in. For me, it will be to read my physical bible (not the bible app!). For others, it might be a different holy book. If possible, include a journal to write and reflect in after you read. What stood out to you? What can you apply?  One of my favorite quotes is from a John C. Maxwell book about personal growth where he says,

"Reflection turns experience into insight."

I LOVE that!Recap from Day 17My big dream for my family is to live abroad for a semester. I think there are so many great things that come with living in a different culture.My other big dream is to own a tiny home and travel the country along Route 66 to see all the cool things our country has. Whenever I tell people my love for tiny homes, they all say I am crazy! :)What's everyone else's big dream for your family??

The Daily Reminder - Day 17: Spiritual Health + Dream Big

I am a dreamer. I am a thinker. I am a ponderer and analyzer. Sometimes to a fault (if you as my kids or my hubby!).On my wedding anniversary last August, I asked God to dream big with me. I remember waking up that morning with a child-like excitement for whatever was is store for me that day.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that would be the beginning of Make Words Matter and this whole vision of helping parents and teachers connect and communicate with kids. I truly am still in awe of how this all came to be in just a short time.

I want for all of us to dream big dreams for our lives. Starting with our families. What is your biggest dream for your family?? Let's pray and meditate today about what we would love to see come true for our families. And let's throw them out into the world for others to hear (and help us make those dreams a reality!!)! Recap from day 16I have already discussed the power of stillness and finding quiet space to reflect. I focused my mind on one particular part of my prayer wall - a prayer I read once in a devotional saying,

"Create and instill in me a mission of love and the power to change the world."

Y'all. If everyone had a mission of LOVE, I have no doubt we could change the world.  One child, one friend at a time.